Saturday, 15 September 2012

It's all about the journey...

Today I started on a new path in my life. I don't know where this path will lead me to, but I'm looking forward to walking it.

It's quite strange how you can get locked into old patterns and behaviours. It almost becomes like second nature to believe that the way you are today is the same way you will be in a years' time.
I've been stuck in an almost forced kind of acceptance that my health problems would always prevent me from being the person I know I am capable of being. It was always so easy to say "I can't ...." instead of "I CAN!!...".

For the past 3 years or so I've been told that there are no easy ways to deal with the problems I had. I've been suffering with chronic backpain, mild arthritis in my lower back and hips, chronic fatigue syndrome/ fibomyalgia, and depression. I've been prescribed painkillers, sleeping tablets, more painkillers, pills for nerve pain, pills for....well, you get the picture. I've been sent from pain management clinic to physio, and back to pain management to the point that I was getting dizzy from all the U-turns the British health service was putting me through.
About 6 weeks ago I started to get the words "Wake Up" being repeated in my mind. I wasn't sure what it meant, but I started to get a feeling after 2 weeks that I was given an opportunity to change my behaviour, my feeling sorry for myself, and ultimately my life.
I decided that the priority for me was to get a bit fitter than I was. Out came the dusty bicycle, and the first time I rode it I felt like I was a kid again pretending to be the winner of the Tour de France.

I started to loose weight, and I felt I was ready for an even bigger challenge. To confront my fear of confrontation. I opted for Aikido, a martial art which doesn't rely on strength, and where age isn't the most relevant. I felt that it would not only help me to get fitter, but it would also give me the tools I needed to stop being afraid of confronting difficult situations.

And that is where this journey really starts...


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